Friday, April 14, 2006

Mattress Mayhem

There are quite a few furniture stores in the neighborhood. To my surprise, however, none of them (even Sleepy’s) carried inflatable mattresses, and a few of the stores’ managers and workers didn’t even know what an inflatable mattress was! I don’t why, but I took the time to try and explain to them the concept of a mattress you pump air into. I felt like I was teaching a class as they looked at me in amazement and bewilderment every time. Two store managers asked me if I was going camping. One shopkeeper, this Greek guy asked, “So it is like a balloon, you fill it with your mouth?”

I tried not to laugh as I imagined myself filling an entire twin-size mattress with air from my own mouth, and passing out by the time it’s completely filled (Thank goodness I don’t have asthma!). I reply, “No, no, it’s much tougher than a balloon, and you use a pump to fill it with air. Some pumps are manual and some are electric.” The guy looked at me like I was making the whole thing up. “Why would someone want such a thing? They can buy one of my mattresses!” I stand there, trying to figure out how to answer the question without mentioning that I had bed bugs. I said, “It’s not for me, it’s for guests who stay over.” He nods and smiles, “Oh, like mother-in-law?” I say, “Yes, like mother-in-law.”

A friend recommended I go to Target to look for inflatable mattresses. Maybe I’ll just surf the Internet and see what I can find. I’m basically looking for a twin-sized mattress which can support at least 500 pounds. Do they make inflatables that can support that much weight? Before you get the wrong idea, I don’t weigh 500 pounds. I just want to be able to have sex on the inflatable without it bursting at the seams. Plus, whenever I’d bring people into my bedroom, like a bunch of people to watch TV or whatever, I usually used the bed as a couch since I only have two chairs.

So if anyone has any advice on inflatable mattresses, I’m all ears.


the Caitlinator said...

I too was going to suggest Target, but I think what you are looking for is the Aerobed.

Bugged Out said...

Thanks for the tip, and the link.

I can't wait to sleep in my own room again!

Bugged in Atlanta said...

After throwing out our mattress my boyfriend and I have slept on a queen size air mattress for a year now. We've gone through 3 beds so far. I think the cause of the hole was us having sex, we've since been forced to be more creative until we can move and get a new mattress which I will cover with plastic before even entering our place and I plan to put containers with water and covered in sticky tape around the legs of the bed as a precaution.

It sucks being on an air mattress because I can't prevent them from reaching me. And every time they bite you they mate making it harder to control. But after reading your thought of the plastic breaking and all the bugs coming out.....I know I did the right thing throwing away my mattress. I'm thinking about trying toput double sided tape around the mattress, don't know if it will help me or not. I'm running out of ideas.

Bugged Out said...

Dear Bugged in Atlanta,

Wow, three mattresses? Whatever sex you guys are having, it must be quite a workout.

As for myself, my sister decided to surprise me and order a full-size inflatable mattress for me which is supposed to arrive May 20. She actually has the same mattress in her home and I slept on it the last time I visited her. It's pretty good, the mattress itself is propped on top of a plastic frame which has legs like a conventional bed, so the mattress is two or three feet from the floor.

Unfortunately, I don't know how much weight the mattress can take, and my sister admitted even she didn't know the weight limit. That was some information I wanted precisely because I would like to be able to have sex without breaking the mattress. I weigh about 210 lbs., and the women I date are usually between 150 and 200 lbs. (I'm Puerto Rican, we like our women with a little more meat on their bones), and you have to factor in an additional 100 pounds for all the motion and thrusting that accompanies sexual intercourse, so I figured I would need a mattress which could support 450 to 500 lbs.

My sister's mattress (the same one she has ordered for me) seemed to be of great quality and cost $140.

I can't wait for this mattress to arrive. I've been sleeping on the couch, and even that has a few bed bugs in it.

Anonymous said...

Okay, so just trying to confirm, as I am also living in New York with bedbugs - getting an air mattress will stop it? Like, really?

Trying to figure out what to do...

Anonymous said...

sex is the best on inflatable mattress----get one with vinyl on the bottom....grab a bottle of mineral oil - and yahoo.