Friday, April 14, 2006

Mattress Mayhem

There are quite a few furniture stores in the neighborhood. To my surprise, however, none of them (even Sleepy’s) carried inflatable mattresses, and a few of the stores’ managers and workers didn’t even know what an inflatable mattress was! I don’t why, but I took the time to try and explain to them the concept of a mattress you pump air into. I felt like I was teaching a class as they looked at me in amazement and bewilderment every time. Two store managers asked me if I was going camping. One shopkeeper, this Greek guy asked, “So it is like a balloon, you fill it with your mouth?”

I tried not to laugh as I imagined myself filling an entire twin-size mattress with air from my own mouth, and passing out by the time it’s completely filled (Thank goodness I don’t have asthma!). I reply, “No, no, it’s much tougher than a balloon, and you use a pump to fill it with air. Some pumps are manual and some are electric.” The guy looked at me like I was making the whole thing up. “Why would someone want such a thing? They can buy one of my mattresses!” I stand there, trying to figure out how to answer the question without mentioning that I had bed bugs. I said, “It’s not for me, it’s for guests who stay over.” He nods and smiles, “Oh, like mother-in-law?” I say, “Yes, like mother-in-law.”

A friend recommended I go to Target to look for inflatable mattresses. Maybe I’ll just surf the Internet and see what I can find. I’m basically looking for a twin-sized mattress which can support at least 500 pounds. Do they make inflatables that can support that much weight? Before you get the wrong idea, I don’t weigh 500 pounds. I just want to be able to have sex on the inflatable without it bursting at the seams. Plus, whenever I’d bring people into my bedroom, like a bunch of people to watch TV or whatever, I usually used the bed as a couch since I only have two chairs.

So if anyone has any advice on inflatable mattresses, I’m all ears.

4 comments:

Bugged Out said...

Thanks for the tip, and the link.

I can't wait to sleep in my own room again!

Bugged Out said...

Dear Bugged in Atlanta,

Wow, three mattresses? Whatever sex you guys are having, it must be quite a workout.

As for myself, my sister decided to surprise me and order a full-size inflatable mattress for me which is supposed to arrive May 20. She actually has the same mattress in her home and I slept on it the last time I visited her. It's pretty good, the mattress itself is propped on top of a plastic frame which has legs like a conventional bed, so the mattress is two or three feet from the floor.

Unfortunately, I don't know how much weight the mattress can take, and my sister admitted even she didn't know the weight limit. That was some information I wanted precisely because I would like to be able to have sex without breaking the mattress. I weigh about 210 lbs., and the women I date are usually between 150 and 200 lbs. (I'm Puerto Rican, we like our women with a little more meat on their bones), and you have to factor in an additional 100 pounds for all the motion and thrusting that accompanies sexual intercourse, so I figured I would need a mattress which could support 450 to 500 lbs.

My sister's mattress (the same one she has ordered for me) seemed to be of great quality and cost $140.

I can't wait for this mattress to arrive. I've been sleeping on the couch, and even that has a few bed bugs in it.

Anonymous said...

Okay, so just trying to confirm, as I am also living in New York with bedbugs - getting an air mattress will stop it? Like, really?

Trying to figure out what to do...

Anonymous said...

sex is the best on inflatable mattress----get one with vinyl on the bottom....grab a bottle of mineral oil - and yahoo.