Monday, September 10, 2007

Bed Bug Haikus, Part One

Some of you may not know that I am a writer. In addition to the blogging, I worked for a few years as a reporter and editor. I've done some unpublished fiction and am currently writing a book. I thought about how art develops through suffering and emotion and loss, three things I've encountered since I first saw bed bugs in my room.

Long story short, I sat down and began writing bed bug haikus. For those unfamiliar with the term, haiku is a Japanese form of nonrhyming poetry. The first line contains five syllables, the second line contains seven and the final line contains five. There are a few variations to this rule but 5, 7, and 5 are the standard. Without further ado, I give you ten haikus I wrote in the last hour.


My blood is their food

I itch yet they are not there

I miss my mattress


"Don't let bed bugs bite"

Much easier said than done

Bring back DDT


Please, legalize it

DDT, I mean. Not weed

No, wait...yes to both


I live with bed bugs

If you can call it living

Ow, my arm itches


Are bed bugs a dream

For minimalist people?

Bare rooms confuse bugs


Die, Rachel Carson!

Say, now that she's dead, can we

Bring back DDT?


I live with bed bugs

I sleep on an air mattress

You come here often?


It's hard to get laid

With bug bites on your body

They look like herpes


Comment on Bugged Out

If you don't do so tonight

More bed bugs will bite


My bedroom is bare

These bed bugs are everywhere

Do you even care?


After I wrote these I thought, why should I have all the fun? If these goofy haikus inspired you in any way to write your own bed bug-related haiku, please do so in lieu of a comment on this post. If you have writer's block, just remember your little buddies waiting at home for you to come back to bed! Remember the pain and suffering! The itching! The humiliation! The stigma! Oh, the humanity!

I've actually written ten more, but you won't see them until I see at least ten haikus from my dear, dear readers. They must be bed bug-related. If you need any more inspiration, peruse the many many posts here on Bugged Out.

Note: Non-haiku poetry also accepted.


Anonymous said...

Any advice on sleeping with bed bugs?

Yesterday, I had the pest controller in to spray the room, bed etc as I have got an infestation.

Great, I got help, doled out the money for the pesticide miracle worker (still praying...). Problem is, I have been told that I need to return to sleeping on the bed at night while the treatment takes effect.

So, with rather alot of bravado, half a sleeping pill, and various layers of clothing, long socks tucked in PJs, gloves, scarf I settled into bed for the long haul (night). As I lay on the bed reading, I felt something tickle my hair, or was it just my paranoia...i turned my head on the pillow and came face to face with a little bugger (actually a rather large adult one...) scuttling across my pillow. I jumped at least 50 metres high, screamed and cursed as I ran out the room to the relative safety of the sofa, and continued my night there.

Now, tonight is looming, and i dont really want to go against pest conrollers advice, but I cant face another night on the bed with my darkest fears at the front of my mind.... I dont even mind being bitten, as long as they do it anonymously...

Does anyone else face this problem, or are others coping with continuing to sleep on the bed to lure the sexy buggers out and take the poison, or to avoid them searching for food elsewhere - like following me onto the sofa...

Anyway, i have been entertaining my friends and family with tales of 'Bug Updates'. 'The Bug Report' and even answering the phone with 'Bugs-r-us, can i help u' Maybe a sense of humour is saving my sanity right now,,until it comes to the point i should go back to the bed to sleep.

Something good did happen to me today which gave me faith there is a higher being, compensating me for my woe...I won £50 on a radio quiz today! Hopefully, the higher being will be equally generous the following days.

So thanks Bugged Out for your site, for a place to air the paranoia, the experience and to find solace with other sufferers.

I'll let you know when I return to the bedroom ....
and any advice would be much appreciated.

PS I am in London...the problem has crossed the Atlantic!

Anonymous said...

Isolate the bed. Read how in the FAQs at

Bedbugs will still be drawn to your body heat and CO2 and cross the pesticides to their death.

But they won't actually be able to get on your bed.

If you sleep in another room, bed bugs will just follow you there. Infestation will spread.

bedbugger's not my site. But truly, the premier site for info about bed bugs.

Of course, it doesn't have haikus like this blog ;)

Anonymous said...

bugged out -

"living with bed bugs"

you seem resigned; i feel sad.

this is so unfair.

can you not fight them?

treat the entire apartment;

seal and caulk all cracks.

you are brave to write

generous to offer space

god bless and much peace

Anonymous said...

Red welts on my skin
Either stress hives or bed bugs
I think a mixture

Anonymous said...

My clothes are in bags
My dignity is missing
Where did my pants go?

Anonymous said...

My feet are so cold
But the alternative's worse
Socks could carry eggs

Anonymous said...

My cat has become
Both best friend and enemy
Potential bug bus

Anonymous said...

You're right... this IS cathartic! :-)

Anonymous said...

When I find a bug
I tape it to white paper
My only revenge

Anonymous said...

Bugs! I have become:
Carpenter, maid, repairman,

Anonymous said...

Bugs have given me
Obsessive Compulsive Order
Mess harbors vampires

Emily Hannah! said...

I had bedbugs about a year ago. Like you, the only way I knew to express my frustration was through haiku. Here's what I came up with:

I have bedbugs. So itchy.
Call them marauders.
My arm itches. I hate bugs.

So much to do. Marauders
make life difficult.
Clean out closet, vacuum shoes.

Exterminator in mi
casa manana.
Will marauders die? I hope so.

I have a haiku blog,

Greenie said...

Love the Haiku! Our team here at Pest Control Portland discusses DDT quite often and how much easier it would make bed bug control.

Anonymous said...

My bugbites are sore
Humiliations galore
Rachel Carson, no more!


My husband just snores
while bedbugs creep cross the floor
can't take it no more


bugbites on my head
the back of my neck is red
crap i hate this shit


They live in my hair
Can they really live there?
Female baldness soon.


Well what do you know!
DE gives your hair volume.
Die little buggers.


They don't bite my guy
Not as tasty as I
am to those suckers.


It's good stress release
but I'm procrastinating
too tired to vaccuum.