With all the crying many of you are doing as you throw out your beloved bed bug-ridden furniture, I'm sure you can all use a good laugh.
The following is an article I found in The Spoof!, a publication featuring outrageously made-up news, kind of the British version of The Onion. This particular article showcases a new strain of bed bug that resembles a lobster.
Here's one hilarious quote:
These super-bugs thrive on crisps and of course the lower orders are always eating food in bed, and as they always buy shite for their kids and that, then it's no surprise that this plague is getting totally out of hand."In case you're wondering, "crisps" are what English people call potato chips because "chips" are what they call french fries. "Feckers" is, well, replace the first e with a u and you'll figure it out. "Shite"? Remove the e and you will have the American translation. "Council estates" I imagine refers to public housing, and the "lower orders" means lower-class people.
Enjoy!
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3 comments:
i have a question for those of you who might know...
have you ever heard of bed bugs living in shoes? i've been getting a few very itchy bites mostly on the bottoms of my feet. i had lived in an apartment with bed bugs previously, had had it fumigated and went through the process of washing/drying all my clothes (and kept them in plastic ziplocs), but could they have possibly moved to my (beloved) shoes?
Hi everyone,
I live in a large apartment building in Newark and I just discovered that I have bed bugs. They seem to be mostly on my couch, although I did find one in my bed this morning (could have hitched a ride on the cat? I found it in the spot where the cat sleeps).
It's been a week since I found my first bites, and I've been itching and researching ever since. Everything I've learned has left me feeling pretty hopeless, I have to admit. This afternoon, I finally broke down crying. I have faced mice, roaches, you name it living in a city apartment building, but the tenacity of these little buggers is daunting.
Also, even though I know I am personally up to the challenge of committing to a plan and following through on all the washing, bagging, etc., I can GUARANTEE that this is not true of my neighbors (or my building manager -- the exterminator he hired to come today never showed up).
So what's the point of my going through all that if they can just come back from somewhere else in the building? Does this mean I have to move? I live in Newark in the first place because I can't AFFORD to live anywhere else. And from the sounds of things, the rest of the tri-state area isn't much safer from BBs.
The worst part for me, as someone else said already, is the fear of transporting them into someone else's home. My boyfriend is coming home from a month-long trip in two days, and of course I miss him very much and want to spend time with him, but what if I pass along a pest??
I have SO MANY questions. For instance, I know I can wash and bag all my linens, clothing, drapes, etc. But what about hand bags? Do I just keep a plastic bag in the hall that I put my bag in as soon as I come home? For all the precautions these things require, I may as well have anthrax.
Has anyone ever fought these things successfully in a large building? HOW? Any help would be appreciated -- I'm just a week into this, and already at the end of my rope.
I live in the new york area (queens village) after being told by my husband, mother in law and sisters in law that i was being bitten by spiders, roaches, flys, rabbits dragons, bunnies etc I finally found them (under the mattress) i was so freaked out and so was my husband. We threw out the mattress and we thought our problem was gone. NOT!!!! A month later i was bitten (the only one bitten)so we decided to hire an exterminator (vadim) he's really nice and he did spray over my handbags but the liquid did not damge my handbags, i careless anyway because i rather throw away my handbag than have bed bugs. The exterminator charged us $450.00 and he will do his second session once we move in to our new apt.l My next plan is to get vacuum cleaners and those covers for the mattresses that you cab get at www.bedbathand beyond.com GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE!
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