I've only received seven bed bug haikus thus far and was waiting, waiting, waiting for the tenth so I could post my next barrage of haikus. Then I thought, what the hell, seven is good enough. For those first-time visitors, I wrote ten bed bug-related haikus about a month ago and promised to release my next ten provided that I receive ten bed bug haikus from visitors dropping comments. I've decided to ignore my old promise and put up my best eight bed bug haikus anyway.
But before I release my own poetry, I'd like to share with everyone the very amusing and creative bed bug haikus that are too good to not share. Unfortunately, the poster was anonymous and the poems were submitted within several different comments , so I have no way of knowing if these seven haikus were written by one anonymous poster or several. In any case, here they are...
Bugs have given me
Obsessive Compulsive Order
Mess harbors vampires
***
Bugs! I have become:
Carpenter, maid, repairman,
Entomologist
***
When I find a bug
I tape it to white paper
My only revenge
***
My cat has become
Both best friend and enemy
Potential bug bus
***
My feet are so cold
But the alternative's worse
Socks could carry eggs
***
My clothes are in bags
My dignity is missing
Where did my pants go?
***
Red welts on my skin
Either stress hives or bed bugs
I think a mixture
******
and, without further ado, are my ten haikus.
Exterminators
$400 a room
My kidney's for sale
***
Bed Bugs?!? Why me, God?
Oh yeah, I forgot
That thing I did with donkeys
***
Bed bugs in New York
Pay no rent and eat for free!
Freeloading assholes
***
Unwelcome bed bugs
Go back to 1950
Nobody likes you
***
My blood is too sweet
I should cut down on Starbucks
That's why they bite me
***
Spray here and spray there
Wash your clothes and scratch your legs
I sure miss roaches
***
The next guy who says
"Hey, don't let the bed bugs bite!"
I will throw rocks at
***
Through pain springs forth art
Bug bites replace my bed frame
Bed bugs are my muse
Enjoy!
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2 comments:
Thank you so much for the giggle. The haiku are brilliant. I really needed that.
I am going to go kill myself now, but not before I tell you that I have observed a neighbor's infestation, circa 1962 as a little girl in Ridgewood, BROOKLYN.
love your site, it has given me some humor, in a horribly stressful and annoying situation...(bed bug infestation in a realy old complex, managers refusing to do anything)
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