How the Mighty Have Fallen

I recently saw a blog post from Gothamist detailing the demise of the famous Hotel Pennsylvania. For those of you either new to New York City or not from New York City, the Hotel Pennsylvania is one of the most extravagant hotels in a city known for extravagant hotels.

My brother, father, uncle, and both grandfathers found steady employment within Manhattan's hospitality industry, and although none of them were ever lucky enough to work at the Hotel Pennsylvania, I grew up hearing how grand and high-class this famous hotel was.

The Hotel Pennsylvania's glamorous history, however, has become just that as law suits from guests being bitten by bed bugs have forged a new reputation for the 88-year old hotel. Check out this lead (of what should've been the lead!) from the New York Observer:

ONCE A GLAMOROUS DESTINATION where jazz standouts Count Basie and Duke Ellington performed in the grand ballroom—a place immortalized (along with its phone number) by the Glenn Miller tune “Pennsylvania 6-5000”—the 1,700-room hotel has since devolved into a cheap, decrepit tourist trap more commonly associated with reported bedbug attacks than big-band nostalgia.

The company who owns the Hotel Pennsylvania is preparing to tear down the historic hotel and replace it with a skyscraper. Obviously the pending law suits and the hotel's tarnished reputation have proved to be too much to merit the continued existence of the hotel. Some preservationists are trying to make the City declare the hotel a landmark, which would outlaw its demolition, but I think this movement is too little, too late.

I stated back in April 2006 and to two reporters who interviewed me that this bed bug problem, and the city's unwillingness to adequately address the epidemic would ultimately affect the hospitality and real estate industries, which are huge in New York City. The City Council has chosen to do nothing aside from token gestures about this problem and now this city is losing one of its most historic venues.

Bed Bug Haikus, Part Two

I've only received seven bed bug haikus thus far and was waiting, waiting, waiting for the tenth so I could post my next barrage of haikus. Then I thought, what the hell, seven is good enough. For those first-time visitors, I wrote ten bed bug-related haikus about a month ago and promised to release my next ten provided that I receive ten bed bug haikus from visitors dropping comments. I've decided to ignore my old promise and put up my best eight bed bug haikus anyway.

But before I release my own poetry, I'd like to share with everyone the very amusing and creative bed bug haikus that are too good to not share. Unfortunately, the poster was anonymous and the poems were submitted within several different comments , so I have no way of knowing if these seven haikus were written by one anonymous poster or several. In any case, here they are...

******

Bugs have given me
Obsessive Compulsive Order
Mess harbors vampires

***

Bugs! I have become:
Carpenter, maid, repairman,
Entomologist

***

When I find a bug
I tape it to white paper
My only revenge

***

My cat has become
Both best friend and enemy
Potential bug bus

***

My feet are so cold
But the alternative's worse
Socks could carry eggs

***

My clothes are in bags
My dignity is missing
Where did my pants go?

***

Red welts on my skin
Either stress hives or bed bugs
I think a mixture

******

and, without further ado, are my ten haikus.

******

Exterminators
$400 a room
My kidney's for sale

***

Bed Bugs?!? Why me, God?
Oh yeah, I forgot
That thing I did with donkeys

***

Bed bugs in New York
Pay no rent and eat for free!
Freeloading assholes

***

Unwelcome bed bugs
Go back to 1950
Nobody likes you

***

My blood is too sweet
I should cut down on Starbucks
That's why they bite me

***

Spray here and spray there
Wash your clothes and scratch your legs
I sure miss roaches

***

The next guy who says
"Hey, don't let the bed bugs bite!"
I will throw rocks at

***

Through pain springs forth art
Bug bites replace my bed frame
Bed bugs are my muse

Enjoy!

Warmup Wednesday!

I recently employed the use of a web site tracking service to get a better idea of how many hits Bugged Out gets. I was very surprised to discover how many people visit Bugged Out. I guess my big mistake is basing the number of visitors upon the number of comments, which as I've found is not very accurate at all.

For example, yesterday 120 people visited Bugged Out, and 90 the day before. I was also shocked to find how many non-New Yorkers visited Bugged Out, considering I tried to niche myself away from other bed bug blogs by gearing the content towards bed bug issues in New York City. In the last two days, people from over 15 different countries have visited Bugged Out. From the comments I've read I knew Canadians and Britons were reading Bugged Out as well as Americans, but I was surprised to find so many visitors from the United Arab Emirates (Salam!), Australia (G'day!), India (Namaste!), Turkey (Merhaba!), Germany (Guten tag!), Kuwait (Salam!), Israel (Shalom!), and Malaysia (Selamat sejahtera!).

But let me get to the point.

Since so many people are visiting Bugged Out, I thought I'd offer a preview of what's ahead for my regular weekend post called Warmup Wednesday.

This weekend I'll finally publish my next round of bed bug-related haikus as well as share some of the haikus I've received from creative viewers. Get ready to laugh.

Update 11/01: Really ticked off with Blogger and my own oafish clumsiness, as Part Two of the haikus was written yesterday but was accidentally published that same day instead of Saturday, as I has intended. Instead, this weekend's post will focus on how bed bugs have contributed to the demise of one historic New York venue.

Bed Bug Tortilla/Pest Control Orgy

I came across this old CBS story from New York City in which a woman living in a Brooklyn slum complains to her super of, among other things, a bed bug infestation. Check this out:

As for her complaint to the super about the bedbugs? "What you can do with the bed bugs is put them in a tortilla and feed them to your family and then get rid of the bedbugs," she said the super told her.

Yikes. Seems like bed bugs are just one more complaint for slumlords to ignore.

In other news, PCT Online had a very interesting article exhibiting just what it took to destroy a full-scale bed bug infestation in one New Jersey apartment building. People often drop comments on Bugged Out asking how to effectively get rid of bed bugs from their apartments or apartment buildings, and the answer is never a simple one. Because apartments are attached to each other, simply fumigating the affected apartment doesn't help, as bed bugs can escape to adjacent apartments and return when the coast is clear.

Royal Fumigation, however, has devised a fumigation strategy even more comprehensive than President Bush's invasion of Iraq. Keeping constant communication with local police precincts, fire departments and New Jersey's Department of Environmental Protection, Royal had the property manager evacuate all tenants from the building for the duration of the bed bug fumigation, arranging temporary housing for the displaced tenants. Royal then spent the next 12 hours sealing off, I presume, every nook and cranny in the building.

After that, a pesticide called Vikane was sprayed in the building for about 24 hours. A consultant from Dow Agrosciences, the manufacturer of Vikane, was on hand to help Royal with the proper application of the pesticide. The actual fumigation period was followed by a nine-hour aeration of the entire building using fans. Though the aeration was over by 9 pm, Royal didn't want anyone re-entering the building until the next morning. The next day the property manager brought in a cleaning crew to make the building ready for the tenants to move back in.

I found this to be the most coordinated and thorough bed bug fumigation I've ever heard of. I can't even imagine how much this all cost. The article itself leaves out several facts that I and others would love to know, including:

1. How many people were actually involved in the fumigation?
2. How much did this all cost, and was the cost covered by the landlord or by the tenants?
3. How many apartment units were in the building?
4. How much time did Royal spend preparing this very thorough operation?
5. What logistical issues, if any, did the crew face while planning this operation?
   
6. Were the apartments unlocked in order for Royal to properly fumigate them?

I certainly wish these questions were answered in the article, but the story had enough information to keep me interested. Wouldn't it be an absolute bitch if the bed bugs still survived in that building after all that?

Have a good weekend.

The Bug Man Strikes Again!

Stumbled on an old (March 2007) San Francisco Gate article featuring some pretty good advice from the Bugman, who I mentioned in a previous post.

Here's an excerpt:

Q:I have a pest control company spray our house every month, and we don't see any bugs. They claim they can kill all crawling insects. Is anything wrong with this?

A: Besides spraying pesticides without having a target pest, there are a number of other reasons why I would never recommend such a service.

First, any insect, spider or other arthropod can occasionally wander into your home. It happens to everyone and shouldn't be a concern. You can dispose of the occasional invader however you like. However, occasionally you may see a few insects of the same species, and it may be important to know what they are. Never hire a pest control company that "kills all crawling insects"; hire one that can identify all crawling and flying insects and will make recommendations and treat accordingly.

I checked out his web site and found these bizarre bed bug facts:

Crushed bed bugs, mixed with salt and human milk make a fine eye ointment. In powdered form they were thought to cure all fevers and for hysteria they were given internally, and just the smell of them was considered sufficient to relieve those under hysterical suffocation. In some parts of Ohio, eating seven bed bugs mixed with beans is considered a cure for chills and fever.

And check out this tidbit on the "insectxuality" of bed bugs.

Bed bugs also have an interesting sex life. The males have large, sex organs with which they pierce the females body wall not bothering to use her sex organs. They fill the female's body with semen, some it which makes it to her reproductive organs. The rest is absorbed as protein by the female and used as nourishment. When feeding, bed bugs have been observed climbing on top of another bed bug which is feeding on a human and piercing that bed bug with its beak and sucking the blood from it, thus getting the blood second hand. This body piercing of the females by males while feeding seems to have no effect on the bed bug getting pierced.

Doesn't make me feel any better that two bed bugs may be getting it on while perched on my body sucking my blood. These creatures certainly are multi-taskers.

I highly recommend the Bugman's interesting website, which I should add, advocates the treatment of insect infestations without the use of chemicals or pesticides.

Burn, Baby, Burn!

I came up with a new sport you might want to try. It's ever so much fun.

There's no league to join, no official rules, it can be played at home, and you can do all the steroids you want.

The sport? Bed bug burning!

Here's what you need:
1) A live bed bug
2) A long barbecue lighter
3) A linoleum floor or other fire-resistant surface

I'm not going to insult your intelligence by telling you how the game is played, except that each charred bed bug equals one point.

My brother tried burning bed bugs, and he says they scream when they catch fire. I keep trying to position my ear close to the action to hear anything that remotely resembles a scream. So far nothing. Let me know if you hear any screams if you so feel inclined to try out this fun sport.

By the way, I have collected nine bed bug-related haikus from anonymous posters so far. As I previously promised, I would only unleash my next ten bed bug haikus when I recieve ten from you. So please, stir up those creative juices and drop that last haiku in the comment area!

New York, the Perfect Scapegoat

Even in a post-9/11 world, Americans love to talk trash about New York City. This LA Times article on bed bugs is no different. While I didn't find anything of significance in the article that I haven't already blogged about, I did find this particular passage interesting:

They used to be associated with cramped and dirty living quarters, grimy motels and high-rise living in places like New York.-Los Angeles Times

Because cramped and dirty living quarters and grimy motels can only be found in New York, right? Right.

If you click on the second page of the article, you will find some interesting bed bug trivia to share with your friends when you're up at three in the morning because you're too paranoid to go to sleep. But if you don't feel like making that extra click, I copied and pasted the factoids below:

Bedbugs are established members of the global community. Archaeologists in Europe have found bedbug fossils dating back 3,500 years, the University of Kentucky's Potter said, "and they go way back before that." They arrived in the New World with the first colonists and were plentiful until about the 1940s, when DDT seemed to do away with them.-Los Angeles Times

By the way, someone has already posted in the comment area four bed bug haikus. They're really good, but as promised, I would only post my next ten bed bug haikus when you guys submitted ten of your own. So try and send in six more, and only then will I unleash to the world my next ten bed bug haikus.

Later.

Who Wants To Laugh?

With all the crying many of you are doing as you throw out your beloved bed bug-ridden furniture, I'm sure you can all use a good laugh.

The following is an article I found in The Spoof!, a publication featuring outrageously made-up news, kind of the British version of The Onion. This particular article showcases a new strain of bed bug that resembles a lobster.

Here's one hilarious quote:

These super-bugs thrive on crisps and of course the lower orders are always eating food in bed, and as they always buy shite for their kids and that, then it's no surprise that this plague is getting totally out of hand."

In case you're wondering, "crisps" are what English people call potato chips because "chips" are what they call french fries. "Feckers" is, well, replace the first e with a u and you'll figure it out. "Shite"? Remove the e and you will have the American translation. "Council estates" I imagine refers to public housing, and the "lower orders" means lower-class people.

Enjoy!

Bed Bug Haikus, Part One

Some of you may not know that I am a writer. In addition to the blogging, I worked for a few years as a reporter and editor. I've done some unpublished fiction and am currently writing a book. I thought about how art develops through suffering and emotion and loss, three things I've encountered since I first saw bed bugs in my room.

Long story short, I sat down and began writing bed bug haikus. For those unfamiliar with the term, haiku is a Japanese form of nonrhyming poetry. The first line contains five syllables, the second line contains seven and the final line contains five. There are a few variations to this rule but 5, 7, and 5 are the standard. Without further ado, I give you ten haikus I wrote in the last hour.

******

My blood is their food

I itch yet they are not there

I miss my mattress

***

"Don't let bed bugs bite"

Much easier said than done

Bring back DDT

***

Please, legalize it

DDT, I mean. Not weed

No, wait...yes to both

***

I live with bed bugs

If you can call it living

Ow, my arm itches

***

Are bed bugs a dream

For minimalist people?

Bare rooms confuse bugs

***

Die, Rachel Carson!

Say, now that she's dead, can we

Bring back DDT?

***

I live with bed bugs

I sleep on an air mattress

You come here often?

***

It's hard to get laid

With bug bites on your body

They look like herpes

***

Comment on Bugged Out

If you don't do so tonight

More bed bugs will bite

***

My bedroom is bare

These bed bugs are everywhere

Do you even care?

***

After I wrote these I thought, why should I have all the fun? If these goofy haikus inspired you in any way to write your own bed bug-related haiku, please do so in lieu of a comment on this post. If you have writer's block, just remember your little buddies waiting at home for you to come back to bed! Remember the pain and suffering! The itching! The humiliation! The stigma! Oh, the humanity!

I've actually written ten more, but you won't see them until I see at least ten haikus from my dear, dear readers. They must be bed bug-related. If you need any more inspiration, peruse the many many posts here on Bugged Out.

Note: Non-haiku poetry also accepted.

Why I Do This

A few weeks ago I received an anonymous comment that I have literally read over and over because it makes me feel great. It's from someone living with bedbugs who is a regular reader who welcomes Bugged Out as an oasis of support in a desert of loneliness and hopelessness.

To her I say, thank you. You are the reason why Bugged Out was created, and I'm glad that Bugged Out and many other bed bug-related blogs out there to serve the simple purpose of letting those people living with bed bugs know that even though they feel alone, they are anything but. Your parents may not understand your problem, your friends may look at you like you're a leper and you may go through various episodes of bed bug paranoia, but understand that we've all been there before, everyone who has a bed bug blog or has read or commented on a bed bug blog, we've all been there.

Don't give up hope.

Without further ado, I will now paste that inspirational comment.

****************

Though I have never commented, I read your blog religiously. As you might have guessed...I have bed bugs too. And I need to thank you, profusely.

I'm a nineteen year old college student. After my first year at a big university in a small town, I decided to take control of my life and start following my biggest dream--to live in the city. I changed schools, friends, and locations to live in beautiful apartment in downtown Denver. I bought all new furniture and decorated my apartment with care (and all of my student budget). I even bought myself a cat and--presto!--insta-home. I woke up one morning about 6 weeks ago with some strange bug bites on my stomach. I am very allergic to mosquitoes, so I passed the blame to that and went on with my day. As time went on, I kept getting bites. Of course, my boyfriend never recieved one. I must have tasty blood. After research, I realized my true problem--bedbugs. As no one here seems to understand the problem, my boyfriend and I took it upon ourselves to rid my apartment. We isolated my bed and for two blissful weeks, I was bite free! Then I woke up a week and a half ago with 23 bites in a circle on my thigh, a line of them on my ribcage and my back...I'd been practically eaten alive. And that brings me to where I am now. I got out of my lease (after much arguing with my landlord who STILL doesn't believe there are any bugs..) and have signed a new lease in a fully-furnished (YES!) building. This is REALLY nice considering my new bedroom set and living room sets are in a junkyard somewhere. My new community doesn't allow pets so my cat has found a new home. I'm washing every item of clothing I own.

It doesn't matter though. At the moment I can feel them on me. Crawling. Biting. Sucking away my blood. I wish I could explain rationally to those darn bugs that I'm anemic! I need my blood more than they do! I don't sleep much, and when I do, I have vivid nightmares. Last night when I was eating sushi, I became convinced that a sesame seed was a bug that had brazenly followed me to dinner. My family thinks I am crazy---they are probably right. I saw a commercial for that new movie Bug. I burst into tears. I cannot wait until I think back on this and it's been years since I saw one or felt one.

Anyway, the purpose of this disgusting long comment was to say thank you. Your blog made me feel less alone. No one I know really understands and I don't like to share. Some people act like I have a communicable disease when I try to explain it.

On Saturday morning I will cart away the last of my belongings. Hopefully that will be a start to the end of the nightmares, the paranoia, the crazed searches in the middle of the night. I'll continue to read this blog...makes me feel like not such a freak.